Rob has given us ringporn before when he's played a married man (Breaking Dawn, Bel Ami) and even in photoshoots like this pic from Vanity Fair (2009).
But this...I'm cracking up. Literally snorting. I think the online unit of People Magazine is hitting the pipe too hard. Or have they been taken over by the staff of Hollywood Lies? Either way...they've written some comical fan fiction today.
Is Robert Pattinson looking to seal the deal with FKA twigs? The Twilight star, 28, and his musician girlfriend, 27, are both sporting promise rings, a friend of the couple tells PEOPLE.Click the link above to read more of this tale.
"He wants to marry her," the source says, describing his pal as "much more calm and happy than before."
"They are inseparable when they are together. They live at his house," the source adds.
So never mind the fact that we can just, oh....I don't know. Look at recent pics of Rob to see he's ringless.
Rob: I've got no rings on me, bro!
FKA twigs: Robert...where is your ring? He won't show them our love!
Rob: I'm just here to tease them, babe. It's on my right hand.
FKA twigs: I'll tease them too. Robert, I've put my ring on my left hand and you keep yours on your right. No one will ever guess. Distract them with your left hand!
Rob: You got it. *flashes handporn*
Rob: So Dior told me no rings allowed with this white and gold suit.
Sienna: I think that was a poor choice! Your lovely gold promise band would fit in nicely with the suit.
Rob: I know, S. I know.
Clearly it's all just a conspiracy to keep us from enjoying ringporn. CLEARLY.