Torture Tuesday starring Robert Pattinson

Torture Tuesday starring Robert Pattinson

I'm going to tell you a story. There once was a boy named Robert.

*said dramatically as if reading it to a three year old*

Robert became a man and was gifted control over millions of females in dark recesses. To keep his frenzied, female, fanbase (FFF) satiated, Robert made movies they could worship. One day, Robert finished promoting a movie and disappeared. The FFF was prepared for this because Robert would often hide from the madness. However, Robert popped up one day with peach fuzzed hair. The FFF lost their minds. They bellowed, "What is Robert up tooooo? Why the buzz cut??? New project, Raaaahhhhbbb???" Robert granted the FFF one final appearance before returning to his private den of sin for months. The FFF just knew Robert would tell them then what the future had in store. Hope was in the air in Berlin when a kind man asked Robert about his next career move. But Robert, skilled in deflection, killed hope and danced his way out of the inquiry. Robert told all the land, "GNOH. It is not time for you to know." The FFF were sent back to limbo where they await word from their king.

The moral of this story....Robert was born to torture you.


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