"Expert" Weighs in on Robert Pattinson/Kristen Stewart Body Language

Jezebel "expert" analyzed the body language of Rob, Kristen and Taylor from Comic Con and I love it! Here are 3 of the pics, you can check out the rest here.


TDD: At this point the looks are so intimate, so penetrative, that Buff Werewolf must nervously laugh and close his eyes. His mouth is pulled into a grimace of pain: He's excluded from the… Can I say "eyefuckfest"? Well... Hmm. Nevermind. He's excluded from the sensual ocular copulation Kristen and Robert are having right in front of him. Robert's enjoying it so much he's becoming quite flushed. Every hair on his body is quivering at the sight of her, and even his pinky finger is erect and swollen with desire and yearning…


TDD: Robert pretends not to care as his ONE TRUE LOVE, Kristen, leans in to his rival, the Buff Werewolf. His arms are crossed: He's Pissed. But also protecting himself. His heart. New Moon swoon! His shoulders lean away from Kristen, because he's angry that she is hurting him. But his hips remain close -- magnetically attracted to her. Kristen nonchalantly looks out and away from Robert, avoiding eye contact. She's sort of giving him the finger, and giggling about it. The girl just doesn't give a fuck. She bares her tattooed belly and has her sunglasses ready, in case she needs to split. Meanwhile, the Buff Werewolf keeps his hands near his fly, indicating that he's prepared to have intercourse with her at a moment's notice.

And my favourite:

TDD: This is what is known in body-language speak as "mirroring." When you're attracted to someone, you may find yourself mirroring -- copying -- their body language. Like if they're out to dinner, and they lean in over the table, you'll lean in, too. Or if you're talking on a sofa, he'll put his arm up on the back of the sofa, and you'll put your arm up, too. And then you gaze into each others' eyes, and talk about how majestic the earth must have looked before civilization, and then he kisses you, and you move into the bedroom, and one thing leads to another, and you think, this is it, he's so perfect, and I've always thought an orthodontist would be a good match, and you think maybe you'll get like, a little cabin somewhere, with a lawn and a shabby chic bedroom, and one of those faux French chippy white painted kitchens, and then he never calls, and you spend the next three nights watching old movies and shaking your head at your cat, telling her how dumb she is for being needy, when you're really talking to yourself, and then you eat some Butter Pecan and pretend none of it ever happened.

(via Spunk Ransom)

P.S.: (Just to save myself some headache) This post is completely sarcastic, please don't post an uptight comment and kill our buzz :))

43 comments:

Yvonne said...

Baaahaha This is great, I love it :))) Really funny.....BTW, sorry things didn't work out between you and the orthodontist, I'm sure he was a jerk :)

Mommamary said...

I work for an oral surgeon. All those dentists, no matter what their specialty are just big jerks! You can do so much better. I am positive the vampire of your dreams will come sweep you off your feet very soon.

Kate said...

LMAO Love this it's hilarious!
One question, on the second one it says "She bares her tattooed belly" WTF ???

RPaddict said...

I read this last night and lmao... it's great comedic relief...

Gozde love your sense of humor, it brings me here every day.

RPaddict said...

Kate on K's belly right above her waist line on the left if your facing her there looks to be a tat.

RPaddict said...

The tat is in the second pic right above her sunglasses. It looks like a black heart.

Wonder if it's for the JJ movie or if it's real.

ADM said...

I believe that is just the zipper of her jacket.

Sha Lew Lew said...

yea, i was thinking the same thing about the tat belly. i dont think kstew is the tat type of girl...huhu.

Libbyrenee said...

This post is great jajajaja... you rock girl!

Susan said...

Gozde, You always brighten my day. I especially loved the Stoli photos showing Rob's talent for sewing :)
At least he tried to match the gray by using light blue thread. I may have done the same.

I completely agree with the first "expert" analysis on Rob and Kristen's body language. If you look at earlier photos of them, they were always close and had their arms around each other. It was only when the rumors started that they began to separate themselves. It makes sense, once the relationship began, they no longer showed much affection in public. They are not fooling us. However, Kristen went a bit too far at Comic Con with the flirting with Taylor and embarrassing Rob in the EW interview (when he had to ask her to shut up several times). It was unnecessary, rude and arrogant. Rob is always kind and is truly a gentleman. WE LOVE YOU ROB!

Why is he going back to NY? The RM filming is complete, correct?

Thank you again for all you do -

Suz said...

The tat says.. I also fucked Joe Jonas!

Emilie said...

Susan Stop dreaming! they are friends look down on others photos as it does and it shows! They are not the size I said you! then when they showed their affection as you say, they did express I'm sure to play with journalists

A said...
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kchambers77 said...

this is so funny! i want a job writing funny shit like this. maybe when at&t finally lays me off i can do that.

Loisada said...

Oh Gozde we love you so, and from the looks of the body language in this pic so does our Robbie. What are those hands up to babe, and how are you keeping so slyly cool about it!!! patz2.jpg

Susan said...

Emilie,
Are you speaking English?
You make no sense.

Gozde said...

Now now ladies :))

I love you all too :))

And no, Rob is not finished filming Remember Me. He'll be back on set, yay for new pics!

Diane said...

At last, the truth! I love feeling the intense emotions of the Italy clip followed by a fit of the giggles at your body language expert. Robsessing is great for whatever mood you're in!

I'm too old for this said...

Yes,cute, funny sarcastic take.But I think there was some serious very subtle(trust me need to take some time, waayy too much time) analyzing some of these videos to see the intense eye contact going on here.The subtle(sometimes not so subtle) comments these two have something is going on!I try to relate my own college type romances to this situation, but that is a joke!They have the pressure of future careers,HW,and always $$$ on their shoulders.Tough stuff for young people who may want to just be together.

Anonymous said...

"Every hair on his body is quivering at the sight of her, and even his pinky finger is erect and swollen with desire and yearning…"

I nearly had a spazattack induced by laughter.

xoRobxo said...

Mommamary~ Hey I'm a Dental Hygienist and I can attest that dentists are total assholes!! Self absorbed obnoxious jerks. Patients would be surprised how their "wonderful" dentist treats the staff. The only time I have come across cool dentists are the ones that sub in our office. In fact I am wanting to switch careers cuz I no longer can take it and hate my job. *Ok ~sorry dentists are a sore subject with me and back to the subject at hand*

This was quite funny~and I totally thought they were serious at first. Love the erect pinky finger comment~Rob and erect and any sentence `uhm... nice. I would just hate every move I make being picked apart under a mircorscope

Pet73 said...

This is very funny, thank you Goz.

I'm too old- I'm with you, after watching the vids several (okay, many) times I must say, there's something in the way they are looking at each other. (I never noticed it before, maybe I wasn't as observant or it simply wasn't there, don't know. Until now I always thought it's only a story blown up by the mags.)

annettel said...

I knew it!!!finaly people started to realize that rOBSTEN is still alive!. I won't be surprised if all that crap had been Kristine idea to try to fooled us and she reall ywent too far with Taylor.I think he was scared of her...poor boy! .BTW..Does anybody now what happened friday or yesterday with ROBSTEN? Iam dying!!!

riddleinside (who can't get over Rob, not that she even wants to try) said...

LMAO!!!

riddleinside (who can't get over Rob, not that she even wants to try) said...

make love not war, rob get some loving babe, from who you want (me for exemple!!!) but keep smiling darling that's all I need to see!!!

ps: I don't want to enter the debate and I'll be off after posting this but don't think Robsten is on, eventhough I used to think it was just before remember me started and no I'm not infering that from the rag magazine cause i don't read a thing, it's just my humble impression!

phosphorus said...

Here we go again ...

Rob, will you do me a favour, please?
Make out with someone in public - I don't care if it's KStew, TomStu or anyone's grandmother - just to get it over with for once and all. Ta.

phosphorus said...

P.S. And if you really want to give people something to talk about go for the Harold and Maude-option.

Maryann said...

First when I read it I read it on my iphone, but skimmed thru. I missed the entire point of the post and I KNEW I missed the point here...lmao. So I didn't comment until now and came home to read it on a proper screen. THEN I got it..and I was LMFAO! Very happy I did realize I missed the humor in here and not posting something stupid to embarrass myself lol.

Absofreakinglutely hilarious!!

phosphorus said...

It is, Maryann, it is, especially Gözde's tags. But it also fuels the Robsten shippers in the commentary section all over the internet, even here.

The poor boy got bad press by something called Star Magazine, by the way.

rpattzgirl said...

This is hilarious!!!

Tell ya what, I will volunteer to be the one for Rob to make out with in public and put all questions and rumors to rest...

It's a sacrifice I am willing to make!

Can't wait for more Rob photos next week-need more, all the time!

phosphorus said...

Only if you're old enough to be his grandmother, rpattzgirl. People waited so long for the story (and the pictures!), it just has to be really spectacular. Something totally unexpected.

Maryann said...

Phosphorus of course the Robsten shippers would be all over this, just wait until Ted C sees it. LOL They were all over them asap they appeared on Comic Con lol. They refuse to see the sarcasm and mocking behind this totally LOL. And it goes nicely in hand with all these ridiculous "proof" that Robsten shippers are creating. The latest I read about Rob wearing Kristen's NYC hat? WTF? LMAO! I guess there is ONLY ONE of those, cos nobody else in the world could buy a hat EXACTLY like that?

I do agree I so wish we'd catch either one of them making out with someone or whatever just to get rid of this nonsense but I betcha if it is them making out with someone OTHER than each other, they will find "proof" of this being "a plant by summit to keep their romance hidden longer". LOL Yep it is all the big bad wolf Summit's fault lmao!

Looks like Comic Con created more drama in another fandom..Lost LOL. But that is an entirely different story and too tired to get into that one lol!

WinWin said...

maryann, I saw those comments in twitter and manyother sites claiming she says "that's her hat". How many yankee fans do you think own the same one. My personal OPINION is that it is not on. I believe they are really close friends though and that's all I'll say about it.

Again, Gozde, Dani and Kate, thanks for all the comic con coverage and awesome videos. OXOXOXO

elly_rob_crazy said...

Hi everyone. I´m new at this but not new to the site. I wanted to know if anyone knows what happened after comic con , between the cast and between rob and kristen. You know like what happened after VMA- mtv.

P.S. body language is great but not all body language is readable. It´s really hard too think that these to are to together. not because they don´t look cute but because i don´t think she´s the one for him

Karla said...

Damn. That was one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. Srsly, I was LMAO. I loved the part about Taylor's hand at his zipper, lol.

A said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
phosphorus said...

@ A: I know it is. As if he'd ever be upset that a barmaid - or anyone else - does not recognise him. That one was almost funny.

(I didn't link it because I don't want them to get any more hits. So please, don't search for it, it's just the usual crap by "sources" that don't exist.)

Twilusted said...

That "expert" sure is hilarious! I wonder if she's also the stalker fan that jumped him in NY?

Lol at your P.S. note Gozde! I need to buy us flame retardant jackets. :D

Anonymous said...

Kstew looks like she's riding the -train. Just sayin.

azur_tala said...

Hello! I'm new here! I so love this site. :) Gozde and Dani are both brilliant.

Thank you for making something like this. Honestly, I am so tired of all the gossips around and this site is just refreshing. It's nice to read stuff that pokes fun at the delusional gossips around twilight. The coverage about the gossip crap has gone out of hand. I just hope that all these things would go away and people would focus on the movie and the actors' talent. It's a pity that Rob is being recognize just because of the gossip around him. It's disgusting how people (some fans) would love to see the actress as a cheater, rob as a stealer and the actress' bf as a loser. And they are just so proud of it. It goes to show what kind of persons they are and the things that are important to them.

My take on the gossips -- I think they are just friend who happen to have a rather stronger bond because they deal with the same situation. It's funny how people try to see rob as affectionate only to his co-star. He looks at everyone with that same gaze. I honestly, don't see any chemistry (Sorry, this may sound weird for some, but I just don't).

I hope that both of the actors would take a stand on this. They just have to tell the truth whatever it may be; so we all can now move forward and appreciate their art. The gossips are already annoying and beyond insane.

Note:
-Not so into the lead actress in twilight nor like her as Rob's real life partner. (More because I just don't see the off-screen romance & not so fond of her attitude)
-Hope Rob will find someone who is brilliant and exquisite.
-Hope that Rob will be recognize more for his talent and not just because of the rumors
-loves his BFF Tomstu. :)

Keep it up Godze and Dani. Thanks for the post. :)

Dilia Virginia said...

LOL the funny thing is i think this is funny and i know is sarcastic, but this is exactly how Robsten shippers think everytime they see a picture of Rob and Kristen together.

Sara said...

haha, I hate you Goz!
Tears were streaming from my eyes as I read this!
My sister honestly thought I was having a breakdown.
Funniest thing I have read in a long, long time.

Niharika said...

LMAO. absolutely amazing sense of humor. my brother read it over my shoulder and was laughing his ass off. sorry things didn't work out between you and the orthodontist

 
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